I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
