They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
