What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
A bitchslap is in order.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
