I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
