i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
