She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
