i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
