All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
