So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
