He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
