I wanna passion pit in your ass
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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