Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i think i just lost a toe
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
