even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Randomize
