This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Drunk is not a location!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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