Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
