do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
