you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Hippo gnu deer
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
