I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There's always time for handjobs
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
