Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
