So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
