so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
