If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
