wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
