Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
