Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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