I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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