but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
