4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
