It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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