I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
