i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
