yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
