In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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