So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
