we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Never joke about your clitoris.
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