I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
