Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
