she woke up with a sticky ear
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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