apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
