That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
