I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
