I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
