WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
