Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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