Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Is it because I queefed?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
