So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
