I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
