I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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