Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
