i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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