i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
