3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm eating all of the evidence.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
