We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
All the doctor said was why
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
