He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
