he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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